Minsan hindi ko talaga alam kung ano meron. I always cry, cry baby ako madalas, but i only cry when im alone. dahil pakiramdam ko walang ibang makaka intindi sa nararamdaman ko. Thats the thing i've learn. I have to stand for myself. Even if i have to cry for myself. I got weak heart hindi ung tipong may sakit ka sa puso pero ung tipong madaling umiyak sa mga bagay bagay but i rarely cry for some occasion. Even if somebody die? pero kung di siya importante at malapit sakin? i couldnt careless. But when i do have panic attacks the weird thing was I dont have any names to call.
Alam mo ung nasa emergency list ko pag may nangyaring masama? Its none. i dont know why, why bother to call someone to be there for me kung in the first place they werent they first thing right?
I got lots and lots of friends, but only some are real. Some of them really care but i cant find a way for them to know how i really feel. How weak i am. How close i am to end my own life but cant bear to see my mom cry but i guess not but what i really care about is kung paano ung mga pusa ko. How cruel am i right? I really dont understand myself. How cruel i can be? how cold i can be? maybe the coldest and hardest part of me is when i think and decide for something even it breaks my heart i do it. I make it happen.
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